The Forced Douche

During my vacation we decided to go to the water park. Well I went on this slide called the Turbo slide. Here's the description:

Hold on tight for the ride of your life. Climb 10 stories high to the top of the world's tallest tubular slides, the Turbo Twisters. These 3 completely enclosed dark tubes will send you spiraling down through the darkness at an exhilarating 50 feet per second. The Turbo Twisters are not for the faint-of-heart.

Yeah... well I wish I would have read that before I decided to give it a try!

So here I am, thinking, you can't go to a water park and not try out the biggest slide there is!!! So I head up there with hubby, who later turned around because he's afraid of heights... what a wuss... it's only 10 stories high.

So I climb the rest of the way by myself at this point my legs are on fire. And I'm starting to feel the push of the wind against me! Anyways I get to the top... thank god there was a slight line up or I wouldn't have had enough breath to scream all the way down the slide.

Now it's my turn, the guy tells me to cross my arms and legs. For I'll say the first 5 secs, I'm thinking this is relaxing... I'm gonna love this RRRRIIIDDDDE!!!!!!!!!!! That's me yelling. I was thinking to myself calm down, don't be such a pussy kids go on this ride.

Next thing you know, just when I think I can't go any faster, I take a turn and now my face is flapping like dogs hanging out the car window and my body is shacking. Now I know why it's a completely enclosed tube... we wouldn't want to scare the kids away with the freak of natures that come spiraling down the tube!

By this point I'm having such a convulsion attack I must have looked like an epileptic on speed! There was one point where I thought, OMG I'm going to puke... and just then, I come flying out of the tube slamming into a body of water. The only thing that was crossed after that ride were my eyes. I literally couldn't keep my legs closed (yeah, yeah shuddap!) with the force in which I hit the water upon exit. I tell ya it was a forced douche... and not the "good" kind, more like painful and well I dunno... but it was just an awful feeling!

Slide ride over, I head over to hubby who gives me this look, uncertain due to the look on my face how I've enjoyed the slide. "So?!" he says. "It was great, not scary at all!" I said. He bursts out laughing and says "surrre, I think everyone in the park heard you screaming, and besides you look petrified!"

Never in a million years did I think I'd end up doing the walk of shame at a water park!

Gotta Pee?!

Hubby had a friend over today. He's helping us move our furniture upstairs, downstairs because we are getting our floors redone. Well after everything was done, I wanted to hop in the shower. So like usual, I announced "I'm taking my shower," so that no one (kids) knock at the door and bug me to let them in.

I head out of the living room and see our friend in the kitchen, so I asked him "do you need to pee?" He said "what?!?" I proceeded to tell him "I'm taking my shower, so if you gotta go, you better go now!" He stopped what he was doing, looked up at me and said "I'm 43, I think I can 'hold it'!" Then we laughed our heads off. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the mommy in me no matter how old you are lol

What a day!

Today I was really excited I went out to get a mirrored wardrobe :) All was looking up, the day was nice, hubby finished work early... what could go wrong?!

Well getting it wasn't the problem. We went picked it up, brought it home no problems.... the problems seemed to arise as soon as we opened the van door to unload it. Kids everywhere all excited and wanting to help, dogs jumping up everywhere like yo-yo's especially all over me; I'm there fave (but then I'm everyone's favorite person ;) so that's to be expected!

SO I tell the kids to go upstairs and watch the dogs as we unload it, but ask one to stay and hold the door. Two minutes into "holding the door open" my son is tired, I tell him to suck it up, then he's complaining about the mosquito's. Next the dogs are barking like mad to get my attention. Finally we get this sucker in, relieved my son can now go upstairs. He heads upstairs opens the door, dogs come rushing down the stairs, jump up on me then see the downstairs door a crack open and one takes off.

Running down the street yelling "Buster, get back here... BUSTER!!" I felt like an idiot. It's completely dark, no one can see my dark dog, but yet they can see this crazy lady yelling. This chasing turned into a game of tag... with me always being "it." Finally a catch the bugger, pick him up and go back into the house, as I enter the house my other dog gets loose and the game of tag is on once again.

Exhausted and oh yes sweaty, I head back into the oven I call home, to now finally set up my armoire. Kids are still excited and wanting to help, dogs are still neurotic and now I'm wiped and the assembling hasn't even started yet.

As hubby and I get what we need to assemble my new furniture, commotion is abound, and driving me bonkers. Never again will I go shopping late at night! I suddenly lose it, yell at the kids to take care of the dogs, which is a hopeless demand I realize as they can't even get them(the dogs) up the stairs! Frustrated, I grab both dogs, head up the stairs, drop the dogs on the ground and slam the door. BUT one of my kids was in the way of the door and I seemed to drag him along as I'm slamming the door, now he's upset, not hurt because he managed to get out of the way, but emotionally scared... how dare mom close the door on him!

Assembling is done, clothes put away, old furniture out and now the kids with dogs on leashes come marching in. "Let's go for a walk" they say, pooped I tell them not tonight. My daughter then turns to me and says, "stop being lazy and let's go!" Lazy... LAZY?!?! Omg I can't believe it!!! Just wait till she grows up... I'll tell her who's lazy then!!!! Needless to say, I dragged my sorry ass off the bed, put my shoes on and headed out the door. Need I remind you that my dogs aren't leash trained, so the walks are torturous at best! I'm sooo under-appreciated lol!!!!!

Naked Outside

The other day I was doing pictures outside for my site. Like always any time you take pictures outside there is a risk of getting caught. And YES I have been caught before, and I always laugh, because the people driving or walking by always take a double look, and the huddle closer and whisper. Usually though, when I have been caught, I'm not in my own town!

Well the other day, I was in my town, not too far from my house either. I did the whole update outside a building on a bench. As we were finishing up, I looked up and saw this figure from behind the blinds move, then only the blinds were left swinging. For some reason I panicked, I know people that work in that building, but I knew that they were closed on the weekends, so I figured it must have been a janitor. Let me tell you, I ran as fast as I could to the car (in 6" stilettos I might add), praying that whoever this person was, I didn't know him or at the very least he didn't recognize me if I did!

Once in the car and on my way home, I laughed so hard I almost peed! It's always fun, getting naked outside with the thrill of getting caught, but once you're caught, especially in your own town, it's a different story lol

So here's hoping that I don't know him and that he blew a nice load for me :P

Summer Blues

This summer hasn't been the greatest. Really it has been nothing but rain. I heard on the radio the other day that we set a new record for the least amount of sunlight this summer. Which is kind of depressing considering winter is sooo long.

Needless to say, my tan is non-existent. Any little bit of sun I get is followed by a few days of rain. Oh well, the end of August is coming up and I'll be heading south :) There BETTER be lots of sun there to make up for this shitty summer!!!!