Your Obession Has A Name

The Forced Douche

2009-09-24T11:08:00.003-04:00

During my vacation we decided to go to the water park. Well I went on this slide called the Turbo slide. Here's the description:

Hold on tight for the ride of your life. Climb 10 stories high to the top of the world's tallest tubular slides, the Turbo Twisters. These 3 completely enclosed dark tubes will send you spiraling down through the darkness at an exhilarating 50 feet per second. The Turbo Twisters are not for the faint-of-heart.

Yeah... well I wish I would have read that before I decided to give it a try!

So here I am, thinking, you can't go to a water park and not try out the biggest slide there is!!! So I head up there with hubby, who later turned around because he's afraid of heights... what a wuss... it's only 10 stories high.

So I climb the rest of the way by myself at this point my legs are on fire. And I'm starting to feel the push of the wind against me! Anyways I get to the top... thank god there was a slight line up or I wouldn't have had enough breath to scream all the way down the slide.

Now it's my turn, the guy tells me to cross my arms and legs. For I'll say the first 5 secs, I'm thinking this is relaxing... I'm gonna love this RRRRIIIDDDDE!!!!!!!!!!! That's me yelling. I was thinking to myself calm down, don't be such a pussy kids go on this ride.

Next thing you know, just when I think I can't go any faster, I take a turn and now my face is flapping like dogs hanging out the car window and my body is shacking. Now I know why it's a completely enclosed tube... we wouldn't want to scare the kids away with the freak of natures that come spiraling down the tube!

By this point I'm having such a convulsion attack I must have looked like an epileptic on speed! There was one point where I thought, OMG I'm going to puke... and just then, I come flying out of the tube slamming into a body of water. The only thing that was crossed after that ride were my eyes. I literally couldn't keep my legs closed (yeah, yeah shuddap!) with the force in which I hit the water upon exit. I tell ya it was a forced douche... and not the "good" kind, more like painful and well I dunno... but it was just an awful feeling!

Slide ride over, I head over to hubby who gives me this look, uncertain due to the look on my face how I've enjoyed the slide. "So?!" he says. "It was great, not scary at all!" I said. He bursts out laughing and says "surrre, I think everyone in the park heard you screaming, and besides you look petrified!"

Never in a million years did I think I'd end up doing the walk of shame at a water park!

Gotta Pee?!

2009-08-19T18:34:00.003-04:00

Hubby had a friend over today. He's helping us move our furniture upstairs, downstairs because we are getting our floors redone. Well after everything was done, I wanted to hop in the shower. So like usual, I announced "I'm taking my shower," so that no one (kids) knock at the door and bug me to let them in.

I head out of the living room and see our friend in the kitchen, so I asked him "do you need to pee?" He said "what?!?" I proceeded to tell him "I'm taking my shower, so if you gotta go, you better go now!" He stopped what he was doing, looked up at me and said "I'm 43, I think I can 'hold it'!" Then we laughed our heads off. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the mommy in me no matter how old you are lol

What a day!

2009-08-13T21:55:00.009-04:00

Today I was really excited I went out to get a mirrored wardrobe :) All was looking up, the day was nice, hubby finished work early... what could go wrong?!

Well getting it wasn't the problem. We went picked it up, brought it home no problems.... the problems seemed to arise as soon as we opened the van door to unload it. Kids everywhere all excited and wanting to help, dogs jumping up everywhere like yo-yo's especially all over me; I'm there fave (but then I'm everyone's favorite person ;) so that's to be expected!

SO I tell the kids to go upstairs and watch the dogs as we unload it, but ask one to stay and hold the door. Two minutes into "holding the door open" my son is tired, I tell him to suck it up, then he's complaining about the mosquito's. Next the dogs are barking like mad to get my attention. Finally we get this sucker in, relieved my son can now go upstairs. He heads upstairs opens the door, dogs come rushing down the stairs, jump up on me then see the downstairs door a crack open and one takes off.

Running down the street yelling "Buster, get back here... BUSTER!!" I felt like an idiot. It's completely dark, no one can see my dark dog, but yet they can see this crazy lady yelling. This chasing turned into a game of tag... with me always being "it." Finally a catch the bugger, pick him up and go back into the house, as I enter the house my other dog gets loose and the game of tag is on once again.

Exhausted and oh yes sweaty, I head back into the oven I call home, to now finally set up my armoire. Kids are still excited and wanting to help, dogs are still neurotic and now I'm wiped and the assembling hasn't even started yet.

As hubby and I get what we need to assemble my new furniture, commotion is abound, and driving me bonkers. Never again will I go shopping late at night! I suddenly lose it, yell at the kids to take care of the dogs, which is a hopeless demand I realize as they can't even get them(the dogs) up the stairs! Frustrated, I grab both dogs, head up the stairs, drop the dogs on the ground and slam the door. BUT one of my kids was in the way of the door and I seemed to drag him along as I'm slamming the door, now he's upset, not hurt because he managed to get out of the way, but emotionally scared... how dare mom close the door on him!

Assembling is done, clothes put away, old furniture out and now the kids with dogs on leashes come marching in. "Let's go for a walk" they say, pooped I tell them not tonight. My daughter then turns to me and says, "stop being lazy and let's go!" Lazy... LAZY?!?! Omg I can't believe it!!! Just wait till she grows up... I'll tell her who's lazy then!!!! Needless to say, I dragged my sorry ass off the bed, put my shoes on and headed out the door. Need I remind you that my dogs aren't leash trained, so the walks are torturous at best! I'm sooo under-appreciated lol!!!!!

Naked Outside

2009-08-10T12:07:00.000-04:00

The other day I was doing pictures outside for my site. Like always any time you take pictures outside there is a risk of getting caught. And YES I have been caught before, and I always laugh, because the people driving or walking by always take a double look, and the huddle closer and whisper. Usually though, when I have been caught, I'm not in my own town!

Well the other day, I was in my town, not too far from my house either. I did the whole update outside a building on a bench. As we were finishing up, I looked up and saw this figure from behind the blinds move, then only the blinds were left swinging. For some reason I panicked, I know people that work in that building, but I knew that they were closed on the weekends, so I figured it must have been a janitor. Let me tell you, I ran as fast as I could to the car (in 6" stilettos I might add), praying that whoever this person was, I didn't know him or at the very least he didn't recognize me if I did!

Once in the car and on my way home, I laughed so hard I almost peed! It's always fun, getting naked outside with the thrill of getting caught, but once you're caught, especially in your own town, it's a different story lol

So here's hoping that I don't know him and that he blew a nice load for me :P

Summer Blues

2009-08-06T16:13:00.002-04:00

This summer hasn't been the greatest. Really it has been nothing but rain. I heard on the radio the other day that we set a new record for the least amount of sunlight this summer. Which is kind of depressing considering winter is sooo long.

Needless to say, my tan is non-existent. Any little bit of sun I get is followed by a few days of rain. Oh well, the end of August is coming up and I'll be heading south :) There BETTER be lots of sun there to make up for this shitty summer!!!!

Tattoo Pet Peves!

2009-07-08T18:27:00.003-04:00

Everyone knows I love them! Heck, I even have quite a fetish for them lol! But there are a few I wouldn't ever think about getting! I don't have a lot of tattoos (5), but people ask me all the time "why did you get that & not this." So I figured it's about time I do a tattoo pet peeve list & hopefully, this will answer some of your questions lol!

1. Dolphins... ugh drives me nuts! Either the person got it when they were 16 or they are just a tattoo wannabe.

2. Boob tattoos is another. Frank Zappa had you Catholic girls pegged. All those years of being cooped up with the same sex has you making desperate (& permanent) pleas for male attention.

3. Tramp Stamp. Yup, although I did think at one time they were kinda nice, it's just WAY too overdone nowadays and it's always a butterfly!!! WTF These people usually are the same type to get the Dolphin tattoos.

4. Looney Tunes... Perhaps appropriate for those people that get them... after all they gotta be looney!!! Poor Taz...he seems to have become a favorite with the rednecks... I blame it on the Yosemite Sam mud-flaps!

5. Star Trek... Boldly don't go there! Even after a few light years you still won't be able to beam it off! Just buy the Kirk action figure instead!

6. Bar Codes... if you like them that much, become a cashier!

7. Barbwire... especially on a man! Pam Anderson made this tattoo extremely popular in the 90's. IMHO, men shouldn't get a tattoo that has been popularized by a woman!

8. Neck tattoos. Unless your famous or a tattooist, this is a big mistake. Guaranteed your not going to get the job if you have flames shooting up your neck!

9. Anything & I mean ANYTHING in a foreign language. There's nothing cooler than some writing on your body in a language that you don't understand! (idiots)

10. Jesus tattoos... don't get me wrong, I love Jesus, but I don't want to see his face while I'm making whoopee! As I'm sure you don't either while doing me up the butt!!!!

Blowing Smoke Up One's Ass

2009-07-05T15:07:00.004-04:00

I learnt something new & strange today. Back in the 1750's-1810 there was this thing called the "Tobacco Smoke Enema". It was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patients rectum. It was used for various medical purposes but primarily used for the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube was inserted into the anus that was connected to a fumigator & bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum. The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase "blow smoke up one's ass." lmao!!!! So... every expression truly comes from something based on fact!

Opinions are like assholes!

2009-06-20T19:07:00.002-04:00

People and their opinions drive me nuts. Sure I might disagree with you, or you with me, but throw it out there, and then drop it. Why do I need to hear over and over again the same crap. I get it already and I still disagree, so drop it!

Everyone has heard of the expression "opinions are like asshole; everyone has one." BUT it takes a wise person (yes, such as myself), to hear it and leave it. Don't get me wrong, if I disagree, I'll say so. This girlie is not shy. However, I'm not going to drill my opinions into the skull of others hoping they'll see the light :P

I just wish some people would have the same respect.

Bad Puppy!

2009-06-18T08:25:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty sure that everyone knows now that I have a dog... after all I brag about it all the time. Yes, I have turned into one of those retched people that go on and on about their dog. And today is no different. Except today, I'm not a happy camper. There will be no bragging! Today is the first day my pup pissed me off!

The sad story begins last night, I was camming (and thoroughly enjoying myself;). Needless to say, dildos were used! Well, after camming I cleaned them and threw them back in my box of toys and left it on the floor, I was just too pooped to put it away.

So this morning, I'm chatting on SC Chat, and my pup was sitting on my lap. I gave him the boot, because he's really not a lap dog. He's a medium size dog, but too big for my lap. Anyways, he wonders off onto the couch. So here I am, having a great time in chat and my pup leaves the room... no biggie, he's probably getting some water.

A few minutes go by, and he's not back... then another few minutes. Now to some this may be no big deal, but my pup is my shadow. He's always with me... for crying out loud I can't even take a pee without him whimpering outside the door. So finally I get up to see what he was up to. Because like kids, when he's quiet, he's up to no good!

"Busted!" I shouted! The bastard, as I'm sure you've guessed ate one of my DP dildos!!! Little rubber pieces galore all over the other room! Man oh man was I pissed! But what can you do right... he's a dog, and I should have put my stuff away!

All I can say is thank God, I cleaned them... could you imagine?! EWWW!!!

My Newest Tattoo

2009-06-08T12:12:00.006-04:00

Finally I got my new tattoo! I found the design way back in January and brought it to my tattooist. It was a bit too busy for me, so I asked him if he could work on it. Finally the other day I get the chance to go down and check out what he's managed to do with it. Instantly I was in love with it! I asked him if he had the time to tattoo me right away and he said yes!!!

As he's setting up, hubby, a fave friend of mine and myself are chatting about where I'm going to get this done. Originally when I wanted some opinions on this particular tattoo, I headed to another shop... tisk tisk I know. See my tattooist is getting old lol. I thought he was old way back when I got my first tattoo done when I was 16. Anyhow, I ended up at this other place, with these hyper tattooed guys telling me they really liked it, they also asked where I wanted it done, and I said on my back. Well the head tattooist said that that was an absolute no. He said it should be on my calf. I told him I wasn't sure about that, he wanted to set me up right away, but I told him I had to wait because I never thought about tattooing my legs before, so I needed some time to think it over.

Ok getting back to where we're all waiting for my tattooist to set up. I'm sitting in this antique barber chair lol and tell them that ok, I'll have it done on my calf. After all, it had been almost 5 months that I had been contemplating it and really couldn't see another place for this tattoo.

By this point, Tony is ready (tattoo guy). I lie down on the table, wondering if my calf is going to start twitching lol. There's a big muscle there... ok and probably some fat too lol, either way I just thought that maybe it would start twitching on me because although I love the feeling of being tattooed, it's still painful at first until the tattooist gets his groove on, then it's fine.

Anyhoot, I'm lying there tattoo has started and my two boys bail on me to go get the cash. Surprisingly, in my humble opinion, it hurts more than getting it done on a bone. But like I said after the tattooist gets into his groove the pain just seems to go away, and besides, it's sooo worth it!

So the boys come back just as Tony is finishing up. Everyone said it looked great! Now we head home. Lemme tell ya... Karma was with me that day! I had to get babysitters and only had them for 2 hours, so the fact that I got there and got tattooed and was home in time was great!

That night we all go out to eat, and all of a sudden I get up to pee and "ouch" I felt like I had worked out for 10 hours straight just on my calf! After limping back from the "ladies room" I sit back down and explained why I was limping. This "limping" lasted for a couple of days. Man oh man was my calf sore. To top it off, there was this crazy swelling! Just perfectly around my tattoo.

A few days later, my mom pops by (btw she is totally not a fan of tattoos). She sees my new addition, and doesn't like it. And of course she comes over while it's healing, she sees the scabs and all! I tell her to relax, it's healing and it will look better in a couple of days. At least this time there was no lecture! Maybe she's given up, considering it's my 5th tattoo. But I thought for sure she would, since this one is more visible than the rest... not as easy to cover up. The bad thing about that though is that whenever my mom doesn't seem to freak out, my dad does ten fold!

I just love love love my newest tattoo! You can take a peek here: http://twitpic.com/photos/LaraAnnSC4 or on my site http://www.lara-ann.com/

Bad Luck

2009-06-05T11:00:00.002-04:00

My luck of late has been bad. Everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. The other day, I was sitting down relaxing, going through emails, when my dog decided he wanted to play. As I get up to put my laptop down so we can play, he jumps up and my laptop falls. Needless to say it's totally kaput! The hard drive is finished and the, jeez I don't even know what it's called... but you know when you plug the charger into the laptop, well the piece that's inside the laptop broke completely...now I gotta buy a new laptop! To boot I haven't backed up anything in a while, which I'm always neurotic about, but I've been having gall bladder attacks so I hadn't been on my laptop in awhile... go figure the first time I manage to jump on, it brakes!

Then there's this psycho bitch from hell on eBay, that I've been dealing with! I have an old Mason's book that I wanted to sell, so I put it up on eBay. Well this chick, is selling the same exact book... no biggie (so I thought). Well to her it was. She made a complaint with eBay stating that I copied her text. I had to re-list this book 3x. Finally I wrote eBay and said that it's the same flippin book. I have to write pretty much the same thing I can't change the author, date of pub, or anything else.

eBbay finally sides with me... all is well again so I thought! Well this moron still manages to get my auction down buy using the "buy it now." Never paying for it, I had to re-list it anew! Again the psycho bitch buys it. Now I contact eBay yet another time. They inform me that they informed her she has to pay for it.

Now this retard, has filed a complaint with Paypal against me! So my funds are frozen until this dispute is over... what a nightmare!

Now I'm not going to go on and on about the rest, because oh yes... there is so much more unfortunately... but where the hell is my luck?! I seem to have nothing but bad luck lately. Just when I think, ok it can't get any worse... it does! I'm a good girl... I'm nice to everyone so where the hell is karma? When is it gonna swing back my way? When am I gonna get some of what I deserve?

Over Friendly Neighbours

2009-05-12T03:32:00.004-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, we had some new neighbours move in behind us. I was happy, since they have a little boy roughly the same age as my youngest... I thought "great he'll have a little friend to play with!"

Well, lol, they are great people, we all like them, but man oh man can they gab! More so the hubby than his wife. It never fails, I'll be outside for 2 seconds and I hear "hey Lara, how's it going?" And they start to head over to the fence. So I play nice, walk over, talk a bit, but I can never get away lol! I jokingly told hubby while doing my best possible Al Pacino impression "just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in!"

So now my neighbours have me hiding in my house! I'm constantly, peeking out the window to see if they are outside, and if they are I wait till they go back inside before I venture out into my backyard. It's terrible, but short of telling them to "fuck off" I don't know what else to do... nothing has worked so far! And they really are nice people, our kids all get along, so you don't want to stir the pot, if you know what I mean! I'll even have the phone in my hand and it rings, and I say "I gotta take this call!" And he'll say "no worries Lara, I'll be here when you're done!" Needless to say, I think it's going to be one heck of a long summer!!!

Twitter and my puppy!

2009-05-09T16:57:00.003-04:00

I've been so bad it's terrible! I've totally neglected my blog! Recently, I've joined Twitter... you can find me on there under Lara_anns_fetish@yahoo.com or LaraAnnSC4. I've also joined a few other forums, and have been working on editing vids for my site. Doesn't seem like a lot, but some of my vids take a long time to edit... mostly my fault! Some have way too many bloopers cause I'm such a goof!

Other than that, I was severely disturbed last night! As most of you know, I recently adopted my first puppy! He's just adorable... but I digress, I won't go on and on like those crazy pet owners I used to so despise! Well last night, my darling pup decided to eat... who knows what... and it didn't agree with him. Keep in mind I have little ones in the house who probably feed him when I'm not looking. Regardless, he got sick, all over my carpet! Now for those of you who don't know me, I can't stand vomit! I mean, no one likes vomit (on second thought... maybe there's a fetish for that ;) However this Chiquita literally despises vomit to the umpteenth degree. Just talking about it I feel nauseous! Anyways like a good pet owner, I cleaned it up and had my pup sit down with me. About an hour had past, and all was well... so I thought!

Vomiting was over but now the gas started! OMG, OMG!!! Who knew anyone could stink so bad, let alone dogs?! Holy good Lord! I was gagging! Unreal! I put him outside... poor puppy! But I'll have none of that in my house ;) I let him back in after a while... it was better, but still nasty smells would creep out and before you knew it, knock you down!

Now it's bedtime, and of course my pup always sleeps with me. I head to bed and he's staring at me and I'm staring at him... he knows I'm not impressed! He usually sleeps like a human, on his side with his head on my pillow his nose almost touching mine, usually blowing my hair off my face. This night, like I said he knew I wasn't thrilled. Surprisingly, he slept at the bottom of the bed! But no such luck, his gas just wafted up towards me! So needless to say I finally got out of bed and decided to watch tv... what do you know... the little bugger gets up and follows me! Droopy eyes and ears hanging down, he just stared so pathetically at me. I felt so bad! So I go hunting for my fan! I finally find it, all the while he's following me leaving stink bombs everywhere I go! I plugged it in, looked at him and said "ok stinky you can sit with me but you're sitting down wind!" And I blasted that fan like there was no tomorrow!

This morning it's better but still not terrific! I head upstairs to make coffee and I see my little boy walking around with the Febreze, I didn't think much of it. Then I sit down at the table, my son sits with me, still holding the Febreze. He begins to tell me that he's solved the dogs farting problem. He continues to tell me every time the dog walks by him he sprays the Febreze just in case! I said "hey that's a great idea, when I go downstairs can I have it?" Much to my chagrin, he tells me "Mommy, you need to get your own!" I nearly died of laughter, but we came to an agreement, we decided he'd come downstairs with me while I did the laundry and be on fart patrol. And if there we any suspicious smells, he'd spray!

Anyways, here's hoping for a better evening!!!

Gotta have it!

2009-04-18T20:42:00.003-04:00

We want, want, want, period. We've become a "gotta have it" society. So we work more, to have more, but then are constantly scrambling for time and wonder why we are exhausted. We are bombarded daily with ads for the latest gadgets, toys and things we apparently need. Do I really need 4 computers in the house, 5 tvs and 3 game consoles? Hell no, but I sadly have been conditioned to believe that I cannot live without these things, and who in their right mind would not have an Ipod Touch. Certainly not me. I need to have a zillion songs and movies with me at all times.

I hope in times like now (recession), that maybe one thing good will come out of it. And that is that it will teach us, hopefully, to sit back, relax and enjoy the good things in life, such as weekend bbq's with the grandparents and taking the kids to the park instead of a movie. We need to cherish people not things.

Stella!!!!

2009-04-18T16:20:00.002-04:00

The other night we had some friends over, it was a lot of fun ! We pretty much just sat having a few beers and quite a lot of laughs! Well I'm mainly writting this to tell you something funny... so here it is!

Well being parents you don't always have the time to kick back and relax with some friends at your own place... and when you do... kids usually interrupt a lot.

So here we are my friends and I, and the kids are supposed to be asleep. I start reminding them all of how one of friends was so wasted one day that they started yelling for her boyfriend at the top of her lungs, and how it was soo funny. She blaintly denied that that had ever happened. So I said "yes it was like in the movie "Stellllaaaaaa, Stelllllaaaa!" yelling it out. We all started to laugh harder, and still she denied it.

All of a sudden I hear "mom... mommm." So I head upstairs and my daughter said what's going on mom I hear yelling. So I said "ahhh it's the movie." She said "no you were yelling Stelllllaaaaa, Stelllllaaaaaa!!!" And she literally screamed it. So like any kid she asks why, I say "it was a joke", and she said "that wasn't funny mommy it was scary!"

I nearly died of laughter! Guess u had to be there!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T00:22:00.002-04:00

Jeez! I can't believe that I haven't posted in so long! I apologize! Things have just been really hectic around here!

Recently, I went to a Bash (a get together of Charms). It was such a blast! I really had a great time! I got lots of work done (if you can call that work lol)! I was able to get tons of pics done and a handful of videos... so keep peeking at the video tab on my site (www.lara-ann.com).

Oh... OMG! I almost forgot! I got to try out a Sybian... holy cow! Who needs a man now?! Lol kidding, kidding! Although it was that good :P but I still and always will, prefer a the real thing!

Have a Happy Easter!

Old pornos

2009-03-04T13:39:00.002-05:00

Well, well, well... while rummaging through some old boxes I had stored in my garage, I found a bunch of old home made porn! Some of it is quite old lol... guess you can say I've always had a kinky side!

I'm hoping that I'll have the chance to go through it this month and maybe post some vids up of my old home made younger days porn... we'll see! Keep your fingers crossed!

I did find some pics too BUT from being stored in the garage they are kinda ruined. So the likely hood of even scanning a half decent copy is doubtful. Either which way I have a few more boxes to go through... who know's what I'll find!

For the love of pets!

2009-02-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

I've finally have turned into one of 'those' type of pet owners. You know the kind, the one that spoils their pet like crazy. Buying them tons of shit that they don't even care for lol. Actually standing in the aisle pondering over what to get... thinking... "what would my dog like?!"

Crazy I know! I used to hate people like that, they used to drive me nuts! And now, I'm one of them! The other day I caught myself thinking while at the store "oh he'd love this!" Then it hit me OMG I've turned into one of those nut jobs!

Needless to say, my family is grateful for the fact that we have a boy dog, because I can't dress him in outfits, bows and fancy little collars! BUT I did buy him a bandanna, I just couldn't help myself, I knew after all... he'd love it lol!

Winter Wonderland?

2009-02-24T17:03:00.001-05:00

I've turned into one of those people who hate winter! I hate the cold, I hate the shoveling, I hate the bumpy roads, the slow driving, I just really hate everything that comes along with winter.

I realized that I've lost that winter wonderland magic kinda feeling that I had when I was a kid as I was driving past a school the other day. I literally saw a whole pack of kids, all of them building snowmen. I've never seen such a site. There must have been about 40 snowmen in the yard. They were laughing, playing... just really enjoying winter.

It's funny how growing up can change your perception of the things you once loved. Having to get up early to shovel and get to work on time is dreaded by everyone, and has a lot of us looking at the falling snow with despair!

From now on I'm going to try to appreciate winter a bit more. After all when you look outside and see the glistening snow, and ice covered tree branches, it is quite beautiful!

Fetish Tab

2009-02-22T17:58:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd let you know, that I have now created a FETISH tab on my site. If you click on it you will see a list of all the fetishes that I have catered to along with the corresponding update numbers!

Proof of Purchase

2009-02-22T16:32:00.003-05:00

I went shopping the other day, among some of the stores I went to were Costco and Walmart. I have always been bothered by the fact that after you purchase things from their stores, you must stand in another line up to show your receipt as they check over your basket or bags.

Some of you probably don't give a shit, but legally they have no right to do that. Once I have paid for my purchase, it is now legally mine and I don't have to show any proof of purchase. I can if I want to, but legally it's not required. Yet we all stand in their line-ups like sheep, waiting for the a ok to leave.

Next time when I'm not in a rush, I'm going to tell them that legally have no right and see what happens!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T16:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's day! Here's wishing you a weekend full of sexy kinky fun!
xxx

Just Lovely!

2009-02-05T04:50:00.000-05:00

The other day hubby and I head over to his parents house. He runs downstairs to grab some wine, while I'm in the kitchen with his mom. We begin with the regular chit chat, and finally she says to me "I have something to show you." I follow her out of the kitchen and into her office room.

She proceeds to tell me that she found something amongst her son's old stuff in the basement, and she's not too sure who it is. No biggie I think, she's always trying to get me jealous of my hubby's previous girlfriends, so at this point I'm assuming it's an old pic of one of his X's, and I'm going to hear the usual "isn't she stunning?!"

OMG I was not prepared for this! It's me! NAKED non the less! Spread eagle on a log, during one of our vacations. Just when I think it can't get any more embarrassing, she informs me that she looked over it quite well but was unsure if it was me, so she showed my father-in-law, and after close examination, they concluded that it must be me!

I don't think I've ever been speechless before that day! I just stood there like an idiot! What was I going to say... clearly it was me! lol So after trying to regain my composure, I say "well he has naked pics too you know!" Oh yeah! Wait to go Lara! Another stupid idiotic moment!

So I grab the picture and head to the basement to inform hubby what's just happened. He starts to laugh! As I go on drilling him with why in the world would he leave this kinda stuff at his parents house, I hear the doorbell upstairs.

As if things couldn't get any worse, I hear my mother-in-law talking to a friend of my hubby's, who's seen our car in the driveway and thought he'd say pop in to say hello.

Well, as I head up the stairs, I hear her telling him, "you'll never believe what I found!" You gotta be kidding me, she's not really going to tell his friend is she?! Oh yes she was and in detail! Saying stuff like "she was shaved... can you believe girls do that nowadays?!"

I was absolutely mortified! I don't even want to continue my way upstairs! But unfortunately I have to lol! As I loudly make my way to where they are, I hear her say "you didn't hear this from me!"

I glance over my shoulder and look at hubby, "nice, real nice!" I say. He again, starts laughing, because this of course is just hilarious! We walk into the living room, his mother spins around and leaves, and his buddy pats him on the back and says "she got any friends?!"

Speechless once again, I look at the opened bottle of wine on the coffee table, grab it, sit my ass down on the couch, and start drinking from the bottle! To which I hear "oh yeah, set me up buddy, set me up!"

Life Lessons

2009-02-02T03:28:00.002-05:00

Well as some of you know and if you don't well now you do, that I do a lot of volunteering in my town. Lately, I seem to get all the seniors... no biggie I like them! They have a lot to tell you if you only listen.

I've been working with this one lady on and off, at first in her home and now at the old age home she's in. I remember when I helped her unpack her belongings into her new place, I was shocked. While helping her unpack her bedroom box, I pull out this thing in a box labeled "fragile!" I nearly died! As I unrolled the newspaper that covered it and holding it now in my hand, she turns to me and says "oh that's my boyfriend! put him in my night table!"

OMG I was holding this old ladies dildo! lol I just stood there not moving, in total shock! She said "oh get over it dear, we all get the urge!" OMG OMG! Did I just hear this from an almost 80 year old woman???

We proceed to unpack more things and now we are down to her photo albums. I asked her if I could peek, she said sure. She was on a soft ball team! She was absolutely gorgeous, shapely but fit! When she saw me looking at those pics, she said "you know every boy in town was after me!" She had made prom queen and won some beauty contests. Looking at those photos made me sad because now she is so old and fragile.

She started to tell me that when she looks in the mirror she doesn't even recognize the person she sees. She said the problem is that on the inside she's still 30, but the outside doesn't reflect that nor does it let her do all the things she would like to. She said youth is wasted on the young.

She said she used to put a lot of emphasis on her beauty. Beauty mattered, it was very important, she said it still is but she has come to realize that the only beauty that truly sticks around is the inner beauty of a person. Which, we all know that anyways, it's not news to anyone. But I could see that it must have been harder on her to grow old than a regular person. I don't know, just my thinking. From being model beautiful to the way she looks now, must be hard. I mean it's hard on everyone, no one wants to get old. Forget just the wrinkles alone, but the having to depend on people... that's even harder.

I went to pick her up the other day and do some things around town with her, and she was saying how upset she is because she's now lost all privacy. They don't allow locks on the doors, in case she falls, or something goes wrong. I felt bad for her. Then she made me die of laughter by saying "now how will I get some boyfriend time in?!" (her dildo) I told her that "well they don't really check in on you after lunch till almost supper time, so you will have some time!" and she said "well you got to strike while the iron is hot... I can't plan this!" Which is so true!

WOW never did I think that masturbation would be so important at that age lol. I don't know I mean I want to be horny till the day I die, but when you look at a really old person, you just don't think that that matters to them.

What can you do I guess but try to live a long life, fill it with lots of laughs and love as much as possible. Looks shouldn't matter as much as they do, because in the end, we are all old and wrinkly and never that person that we would look at and say "damn I want to fuck that!" So what matters most is being able to surround yourself with the beautiful on the inside people you know the kind that you think to yourself, "I want to spend more time with that incredible person." Because looks will fade, and we are left only with the beauty on the inside, and hopefully it's beautiful and not ugly, because then, we are no good to anyone, just an empty old shell.

Where Do Those Extra Lbs Hide?

2009-01-30T00:51:00.000-05:00

Today I went out and bought the Wii Fit! They are so hard to find it's not even funny! But luckily for me I know a guy who works at a place that sells them, so bright and early I get a call from him, his store received two today! (wtf only two?!?!)

Needless to say, I set it up and by the time I got it all ready to try out, my kids came home! So that was that. But I did have a blast watching my kids punch in their weight, height and find out if they were underweight or overweight lol! So my oldest was devastated, found out he's underweight and started the muscle training workout immediately lol! My daughter tried the hula hoop and so did my youngest.

Now comes my second sons turn! Well he gets on, and I go to get a drink (of Pepsi of course)! Well when I come back, he's all upset, saying that the Wii said he's overweight. He's not really overweight, just a bit chubby lol. No biggie, he always gets chubby one year then shoots up like a weed and is thin the next.

I told him don't worry, you'll grow again soon, and you'll lose that tummy again! He looks at me like I'm totally stupid, and says "mom, I didn't go for a poop yet that's why it says that!"

OMG how do you not laugh at that! Then my oldest turns to him and tells him "yeah, cause I'm sure your poop weighs 20 lbs!" lol

So now I'm thinking, I'll try the Wii Fit tonite, when the kids are asleep, and I won't go to the bathroom...and blame my few extra lbs on poop! lol